seeing in a mirror dimly

Whenever a “new breed” appears on the theological horizon, many explorers rush excitedly to study and observe this unusual phenomenon.  These expeditions do not always meet with great success, however.  Such is the case, according to some, with the rather anemic Neoorthodox.  Though ultimately determined to be a distant member of the Orthodox family, the Neoorthodox proved to have many features far less admirable than his great cousin.  Of particular note are his bony legs and small hooves, which render him incapable of bearing the theological load typical of his ancestor. 

Experts believe the Neoorthodox’s dwarfed condition is the result of feeding upon the sparse doctrinal pastures indigenous to his native habitat, the Deutsche Drylands.  Also common to most herds is their incapacity to stomach a strong diet of Propositional Truth, which is known to be a staple to the Orthodox and the Creed. Rather, the fastidious Neoorthodox typically feed off the wild weeds of Subjective Religious Experience that sprout throughout the drylands.  As a result, numerous breeds have emerged, ranging from the slightly more sturdy Barthian to the emaciated and bizarre Tillichian (see insets).

Some explorers attempting to reclaim some practical purpose for this creature have sought to interbreed the Neoorthodox with the Orthodox.  Most of these attempts have failed, though some have produced unusual hybrids of oversized brain capacity. Many experts suspect that these particular herds have migrated to Fuller Pastures.¹ 

¹For a romantic retelling of this migration, see Geoffrey Broomly’s Wagons West: New Cattle in the Upper Story. More critical accounts are found in Harold Lindsail‘s Where’s the Beef? A Closer Look at the Neoorthodox and Cal F. Henry‘s Big Hat, No Cattle: A Saga of the Fuller Frontiers.